Winging it

Back in the day when I had only two girls (imagine that!), I learned quickly that even though my girls were raised in the same home and had a lot of similarities, they each brought their own personalities, weaknesses, and challenges into the family.  And these were my biological children.

Now we have 5 girls.  It is really fun to see similarities and differences with all my girls.  Yuly has learned to celebrate the ways she is similar to her sisters (like a shared love for dance) as well as her differences (her beautiful skin and hair color).  We already see how Davina fits our family with her sense of humor.  She is athletic like Savanna.

But of course, there are differences.  And parenting each of them requires me to grow as a parent.  Before we brought Yuly home, I thought that I was a pretty good parent.  Not perfect, of course, but my girls seemed to be doing well.  (I mean, when the social worker asked my older two girls what they didn't like about my parenting, they replied, "She makes us eat whole wheat bread."  If that's the worst they have, I must be doing o.k.)

God used Yuly to show me areas of parenting weakness. Parenting her required me to stretch and bend and change.  I received a crash course in "How to be patient."  (Still a struggle, but I am sooo much better than I used to be).  I learned to pray more:  more often, more specifically, and more fervently.   God also used her to grow my faith and my trust in God.

And now, I am learning again.  We already had two teenagers when we brought Davina home.  I had some basic teenager parenting skills, but I am now enrolled in the advanced course.  And there is no syllabus.  Or textbook.  Basically, we are just winging it.  Parenting situations arise for which I have no precedent to base my response on.

Example.  We know that Davina has had a lot of trouble developing a good sleep pattern.  She goes to bed, says she is tired, but says she just can't sleep.  Sometimes she gets up and we find her reading in the middle of the night.  OK, we decided that sleep adjustments will come and not to worry too much.  Then one day, when we awaken at 7:00, we discover that Davina and Yuly have been up since 3:00 a.m. playing and eating (healthy foods!)

So, what is the correct response?  They didn't break any stated rules (I mean, we've never had to tell any of our kids, don't get up in the middle of the night and have a party).  Still, it probably isn't a good idea to allow this to happen on a regular basis. 

What did we decide?  We laughed and talked about it.  We celebrated the fact that two sisters had such a special, if somewhat unconventional, time together (they were both beaming when they came into our room!)  We are thankful that they were not sneaky about it...we heard all the details of their exploits.  And we gently talked through the fact that this was a fun, but one time only, party.  That night is for sleeping. 

Disclaimer:  I'm not saying we handled this the "right" way.  I'm just telling you that based on our family's unique personality, our parenting strategies, our teaching style, and our girls' needs, this is the way our family handled it. 

God promises us wisdom when we ask..and I am asking A LOT lately!!
⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.  James 1

I have received wisdom.  Not all at once, but for each situation.  God is working within me, within the life of our family, and within each of my girls and I am grateful.