A Change of Heart

During this wait, God has continued to work on my heart.  To shape and mold it to be a little more like His.  It is a slow process.  I'm so grateful that He is patient and merciful toward me as I stumble and fall in my attempts to follow Him in obedience.

From the beginning, this was the surprise (to me) adoption.  I wasn't looking, thinking, or dreaming about adoption.  The idea to adopt seemed to come from nowhere...and everywhere.  I've been able to see God placing people and events in our lives to lead us down this path.

And we have gone obediently and with confidence that we were following God.  And for the most part, we have been excited about the adventure, but as I shared previously, I have had a lot of apprehensions about the initial days home.

I know that it is important to prepare spiritually and mentally for the tasks ahead.  I believe that it is important to walk through the process well-armed with prayer and information.  At the same time, it is impossible to plan and anticipate exactly for what is coming.  And that made me anxious.

Gently, repeatedly, God has reminded me that His grace is sufficient.  Whatever the challenges are.

And with the change of heart, new thoughts about the first days come.

Mostly, I am thinking about firsts.  I am sad that I missed a lot of Yuly's firsts...and that I have missed a lot of Hope's firsts.  But I'm looking forward with joyful anticipation for other firsts...

The first time she calls us Mom and Dad...

The first time she rides on an airplane...

Her first time meeting her sisters...

Her first time meeting her grandparents...

Her first birthday with us...

The first time she sees the ocean...

That last one...I don't know when that will be, but there is something about seeing the ocean is so awesome, so fun, so exciting.  I remember Yuly's first time in February 2010.

Its February again and we just returned from a camping trip to the ocean.  Not sure why we seem to end up at the beach in February.  But, like before, watched Yuly and Riza play in the (freezing cold) water.  So fun to see them laugh and play!!  Even as I stood on the shore completely bundled up.

Can't look at the ocean without thinking of these verses with gratitude:

Psalm 139:17-18 
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them, 
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. 
When I am awake, I am still with you. 

God is good.