Flight of faith

 

There are so many aspects of adoption that require faith. Just to name a few:

• Choosing an adoption agency
• Choosing a specific program (e.g., international vs. domestic)
• Raising the necessary funds
• Accepting a referral of a child

And for me, right now, there is another one: the pending reality of being half-way around the world from my family.

Here are our travel plans:

• Todd, Savanna and I will leave together on Sunday, May 5
• We will arrive in Guangzhou on Tuesday, May 7 (that seems so crazy to me!)  
• We meet our daughter on May 8.  
• We finalize her adoption on May 9 (Yipee!!)
• Todd and Savanna leave for home on Sunday, May 12
• Todd and Savanna arrive at home on Monday, May 13
• I celebrate our daughter's birthday with her on China on that same day
• We have our Consulate Appointment on Tuesday, May 21
• We board a flight home on Wednesday, May 22 (God willing!)
• We arrive home on Thursday, May 23.

That is (for me) a long time to be away from my home and my family.  Yes, I know others have done it.  Yes, I know others have had longer and harder separations.  Yes, I know God will be with me.  But I still struggle.

When we adopted Yuly, Riza, Todd and I traveled to Colombia.  After a week in Colombia, Todd traveled home.  5 days later my parents and my oldest daughters came for a long weekend to visit.  Then they returned home and I followed them 4 days later.  With a 4 year old and a 7 year old Spanish-speaking daughter I made it through flying to the capital city (Bogota), the embassy process (including the medical appointment), flying to Miami, through immigration and then flying home.  God was with me then (and I am grateful for all of the prayers offered during that time!)

So, I have been in a foreign country before by myself with children.  And in some ways, I think the China experience will be easier because there are so many adoptive families in Guangzhou.  When I was in Colombia, I was the only English-speaking adopting mom in the hotel.

But there was one big difference.  The flight from our home to our city in Colombia was 5 hours.  I think I had comfort know that if something happened, Todd could come back.  He could help me.  He wasn't that far away.

This time, I will be a 28 hour flight away.  I will be on the other side of the world.  And that's a little overwhelming to me.

God continues to use this adoption to teach me to trust in Him.  Yes, He has given me a wonderful, Godly, supportive husband, and I am grateful.  But ultimately, my hope needs to be in Christ alone.  And so, I choose to trust in God that He will be with me in China and with my family at home and that He will be all of the help that I need.

Psalm 121
 ¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

Do Hard Things Part II

One more thought...

Although I am learning to embrace doing hard things, I still sometimes whine about the hard work.  Sometimes I feel that if I am doing what God has called me to do, somehow it should be easy.   I know that's crazy...Jesus's example alone should be enough to show me that doing what God calls us to do requires sacrifice and commitment.  And its not easy.

I have a favorite story in the Bible that is somewhat obscure.  In the story, Abraham and God are talking and God promises Abraham that he will be given a son.  After some discussion, God tells Abraham to offer Him a sacrifice:

 

⁹ So the Lord said to him, “Bring me a heifer, a goat and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon.”
¹⁰ Abram brought all these to him, cut them in two and arranged the halves opposite each other; the birds, however, he did not cut in half. ¹¹ Then birds of prey came down on the carcasses, but Abram drove them away.  Genesis 15

I love this truth in this story.  Abraham is trying to do exactly what God told him to do.  Not only that, what he is trying to do is to worship God.  And yet, the birds of prey came down and tried to disrupt his sacrifice.

If I were Abraham, I would've stomped my feet and asked God, "Why aren't you keeping the birds away?  I'm trying to do what you said.  Help me out!"

The first time I really considered this story was when my girls were younger.  It seemed that no matter when I tried to have my quiet time alone with God, a child would have an "urgent" need and interrupt me.  I would try getting up early, waiting until nap time, whatever.  It seemed as if I were constantly interrupted.  I remember crying and asking God to help.  I complained that I was trying to spend time with Him, so why didn't He help keep my girls quiet during my prayer time.  God showed me Abraham's story.

I found kinship with Abraham (although I am thankful that I was dealing with a daughter in need of a drink than birds of prey harassing me while I offer a sacrifice). And I appreciate that the detail of his difficulties offering a sacrifice were included in the Bible. 

It is in the depths of hard times that we see God's strength revealed and we experience Him in new ways.  And somehow, the hard work changes us.  Our faith deepens.  Our relationship with God is enriched.  And we see that we can accomplish the difficult with God's help.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:6

Do hard things

In 1996, Todd and I packed up our then 15 month old daughter and moved to Florida.  It was not a decision we took lightly.  We left our families and an amazing church.  But as we prayed, we really felt that this was where God wanted us to go. The impetus for us to move here was so that I could go back to school..  Todd willingly switched jobs and relocated to sunny Florida.  We settled in and I started school at Florida State University.

We thought we would be here just a few years.  Just long enough to get my degree.  It took me longer than I expected.  Much longer.  It was harder than I expected.  Much harder.

But, I did it.  I graduated in 2002.  During my experience in school, God taught me many things.  I learned to trust Him more. My faith deepened.  My prayer life grew richer.

After graduation, I continued my work at the hospital.  Although I used the education I received, I didn't really work in a job that required my specific educational background.  Not that this was a problem to me.  I loved my job.  I loved my co-workers.

Still, in 2011, I walked away to homeschool our two youngest daughters.  It has been wonderful.  I love it!  Not every moment of every day maybe (just being real!), but I truly enjoy this role and am so thankful that I have the opportunity to stay home and teach my girls.

Ever since I graduated, I have wondered why I went to school.  We invested a lot of time, effort and money to get me through school.  Initially I worked in a job that didn't really require my degree (but was in my field) and now I am homeschool. Why, then, did I need to go to school?  Many would argue that I am not using my education.

But, I believe that my education is not just the book-learning I did. I know there was more although I don't fully know the answer even now.  And I know that I may never completely understand.  However, I also believe that God is big enough that there is probably not just one reason that I went to school, but many reasons.  For example, my journey has brought me into contact with a unique circle of friends that I know God expects me to bless.

God has recently revealed to me another reason.  He taught me that I can accomplish hard things with His help.  School was hard.  But with His help, I finished.  Adoption is hard (at times).  But with His help, I can parent all these beautiful children that God has given me.

On our journeys, all of our decisions impact other decisions.  Maybe I needed to go to school so I could learn that I can choose to do hard things and with God's help answer the challenge.  I am confident that the time deepening my walk and strengthening my prayer time has been essential to my walk--I wouldn't be where I am today without it.  I am thankful for the journey God has given me...hard times and all.

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Prayer circles and Travel plans

In my prayer journal, I have the exact date that I began praying for our China travel plans...July 16, 2012. On August 1, 2012 I began praying for the right time to bring Hope home. At some point, I began praying that we would travel over Savanna's spring break so it would be easiest for Savanna (in terms of needing to make up school work). During this time I read "Prayer Circles" by Mark Batterson and I began to pray these verses:

Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.  Genesis 21:2

But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.  

Galatians 4:4 

These verses assured me that my child would come at the right time, at the time God promised.

The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short?  You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you."  Numbers 11:23

A reminder that God can accomplish everything He promises.

As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame."

Romans 10:11

And a reminder that I can completely trust in God.

So...we are a few days away from spring break.  We don't have Travel Approval.  We won't travel over spring break.

At first, I was stymied.  Trusting God, but confused.  I had felt very sure that God wanted me to pray for a spring break travel date.  Was I wrong?  Did I miss something?  

I don't know all of the answers.  But as I have prayed, this is what God as showed me...

First, there are many times that as Christians we pray earnestly, fervently for something (I think especially of those prayers for ill family members) and it seems that God doesn't answer.  We all experience these times.  In these times, we must make the decision on whether we believe that God still loves us and wants the best for us.  I have decided that I do believe God loves me and wants the best for me.

Second, God has reminded me of another verse...

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:12

There are happenings in the spiritual world that are occurring beyond my knowledge and understanding,   Prayer is essential for fighting these battles!

So, in the midst of it all, I choose to pray and trust and wait expectantly. 

The Wonders of the Deep

Many years ago, when I was going through a difficult journey, a sweet friend shared some verses with me from Psalm 107.  I love to remember these verses whenever I am going on a long (to me) journey.  Here are the verses with a little comment on our current journey.

²³ Others sailed out on the ocean in ships.
    They traded goods on the mighty waters.
²⁴ They saw the works of the Lord.
    They saw the miracles he did on the ocean.

We set sail in this journey of adoption...on these mighty waters.  We have seen so many miracles-- in our own process and in the lives of others who are adopting.  So many little blessings--a special verse during my quiet time, a friend letting me know that she is praying for me, a song on the radio that ministers to me-- these are whispers to my heart.  I try to write these down and treasure them in my heart as reminders of God's unfailing love.  These works strengthen our faith. 

²⁵ He spoke and stirred up a storm.
    It lifted the waves high.
²⁶ They rose up to the heavens. 

In the storms, sometimes we are lifted up like a ship riding a crest, and we lift our hands in prayer.  We see God at work...

Then they went down deep into the ocean.
    In that kind of danger the people’s boldness melted away.

but, truthfully, sometimes then we ride the wave down to the depths and we get discouraged.  Our prayers lack faith as our boldness is drained away.

²⁷ They were unsteady like those who get drunk.
    They didn’t know what to do.
²⁸ Then they cried out to the Lord because of their problems.
    And he brought them out of their troubles.

And time after time, when we call out to the Lord., when.we don't know what to do, He answers our desperate prayers and He brings us out of our troubles.

²⁹ 

He made the storm as quiet as a whisper.
    The waves of the ocean calmed down.

He calms our fears.  He meets us at our point of weakness, even as we pray "We believe!  Help our unbelief!!"

³⁰ The people were glad when the ocean became calm.
    Then he guided them to the harbor they were looking for.

We have not yet reached the harbor we are looking for.  Our journey is not yet over, but we believe we see the lights of the harbor ahead of us!

³¹ Let them give thanks to the Lord for his faithful love.
    Let them give thanks for the miracles he does for his people.
³² Let them honor him among his people who gather for worship.
    Let them praise him in the meeting of the elders.

We praise Him for His faithful love.  We thank Him for His guidance.  We thank Him now...in advance of the answer because we know He is faithful.  God's word says that "The one that trusts in Him will never be put to shame."  (Romans 10:11)

And truthfully, I am writing this post to myself.  A reminder to me that God will guide us to the harbor we are looking for...to our daughter.

God cares for orphans & so should the church!

Our house is not huge...

But our home has loving parents...a family...

Even if our home is getting full...(plus one on the way!)

We are not perfect parents or a perfect family, but we have Christ...

We have so much we can share and we have a desire to be obedient to God's call:

In Psalm 82:3, God has commanded us:

 Defend the weak and the fatherless;
    uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.

^{For us, God has called us to the beautiful journey of adoption.  We are so grateful that God has entrusted us with some of His precious treasures.}

^{I fully recognize that we not all called to adopt, but as Christians we are all called to do SOMETHING (the verse does not say "some of you should defend...).}  

^{The need is great}

^{--147 million orphans--} 

^but  

^{our God is big.} 

^{And He expects and equips His church to be His hands and feet.}  

^{Ever since God has opened my eyes to the plight and needs of orphans, I have not been the same.   I have asked God what I can do to advocate for the needs of orphans, and I have found a perfect outlet!  I'm going to be part of Lifesong for Orphans Blogger Network.  That means that I will get to let you know about the church's work among orphans and ways that you can be a part!  So excited for this opportunity!!  First post is coming soon :)}

Do you hear rumbling?

The LORD answered Moses, "Is the LORD's arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you." Numbers 11:23

The mountains are beginning to move...We continue to see God work in amazing ways, and we are so grateful.  Against the odds, we continue to pray that we can travel over Savanna's spring break.  We have been praying for this date for a long time.  We believe God has told us to continue to pray for this date, so until we get another word, we will continue to pray for travel the week of March 17.

We got word yesterday that our Article 5 will be picked up on March 5.  Then we will be waiting on Travel Approval.  Then we wait on a Consulate Appointment...so, we are making progress, but there is more to be made.

But we know that God is faithful.  His timing is perfect.  We are excited to wait to see how God continues to reveal Himself on this journey.   

PS.  The mountain in the picture is in Medellin, Colombia...a place where we saw God move in amazing ways in our first adoption. 

A Change of Heart

During this wait, God has continued to work on my heart.  To shape and mold it to be a little more like His.  It is a slow process.  I'm so grateful that He is patient and merciful toward me as I stumble and fall in my attempts to follow Him in obedience.

From the beginning, this was the surprise (to me) adoption.  I wasn't looking, thinking, or dreaming about adoption.  The idea to adopt seemed to come from nowhere...and everywhere.  I've been able to see God placing people and events in our lives to lead us down this path.

And we have gone obediently and with confidence that we were following God.  And for the most part, we have been excited about the adventure, but as I shared previously, I have had a lot of apprehensions about the initial days home.

I know that it is important to prepare spiritually and mentally for the tasks ahead.  I believe that it is important to walk through the process well-armed with prayer and information.  At the same time, it is impossible to plan and anticipate exactly for what is coming.  And that made me anxious.

Gently, repeatedly, God has reminded me that His grace is sufficient.  Whatever the challenges are.

And with the change of heart, new thoughts about the first days come.

Mostly, I am thinking about firsts.  I am sad that I missed a lot of Yuly's firsts...and that I have missed a lot of Hope's firsts.  But I'm looking forward with joyful anticipation for other firsts...

The first time she calls us Mom and Dad...

The first time she rides on an airplane...

Her first time meeting her sisters...

Her first time meeting her grandparents...

Her first birthday with us...

The first time she sees the ocean...

That last one...I don't know when that will be, but there is something about seeing the ocean is so awesome, so fun, so exciting.  I remember Yuly's first time in February 2010.

Its February again and we just returned from a camping trip to the ocean.  Not sure why we seem to end up at the beach in February.  But, like before, watched Yuly and Riza play in the (freezing cold) water.  So fun to see them laugh and play!!  Even as I stood on the shore completely bundled up.

Can't look at the ocean without thinking of these verses with gratitude:

Psalm 139:17-18 
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them, 
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. 
When I am awake, I am still with you. 

God is good.

Waiting...

Do you remember that old Heinz commercial?

You know, "the wai-ai-ting is the hardest part"

Here at the Johnsons, we can totally relate.

But, God continues to remind me that He is listening and He is here.  Recently in my quiet time, I read the verse,

"Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.'  (Genesis 21:2)

That reminded of another verses that I had pondered during Advent:

"But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law."(Galatians 4:4)

And God reminds me that our daughter will come home...at the right time...at the very time God has promised.

And so I wait, and I hope.  I've decided that if every day I expect (hope, wait, watch expectantly) to get the phone call that we have LOA and are one day closer, eventually I will be right.  Right?

God is faithful AKA Whispers from God

During this adoption process, there have been times of joy and there have been times of discouragement.  But, God continues to be faithful and He continues to whisper words of encouragement and hope to me.  Here are two examples of God's mercy extended toward me...

One day I was a feeling a little very overwhelmed about the thought of dealing with attachment issues again. Another adoptive mom posted a beautiful message about the process that she is undertaking with her teenage daughters. She didn't shy away from discussing the difficulty involved but said that she was blessed to be a part of the healing process. I confess, that when we went through our times of intense attachment-related behaviors, I never felt gratitude. I asked God for strength, but my attitude was more of enduring the "thorn in the flesh" than "rejoice whenever you encounter various trials." Wow. What a blessing to have God show me a different way to think of it.

Today I was thinking and analyzing for about the millionth time about the finances for this adoption. I desperately want to trust God for our financial needs. I don't want to put misplaced hope in some other provision. Then, in my Bible reading for today, there was a story of Amaziah, King of Judah, hiring some soldiers from Israel. This displeased God and He told Amaziah (through a prophet) to discharge the Israelite soldiers. In 2 Chronicles 25, God's word says:

9Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.”

This was a reminder from God that I need to be obedient and recognize that God can and will abundantly meet our needs. Even after this reassurance, I softly asked God if He would show me that He hadn't forgotten our financial needs (ridiculous, I know!) And today, we got an unexpected check for $22. It doesn't cover all of our needs :) but it was a tangible reminder TODAY that God is working on our behalf to bring our daughter home.

I am so grateful to God who loves me, who whispers to me, who answers my deepest prayer "I do believe.  Help my unbelief!!"

I'm starting this blog to describe our journey...the impetus for starting this blog is that we are starting a journey to bring home another daughter. However, this trip started over a year ago, and at that time, there was no notion that it included an excursion to another adoption. This past year has been a time for spiritual refreshment and renewal for Todd and me. It has been a time that we have sought to deepen our faith and fully commit to following God. I think of the Steven Curtis Chapman song "Dive."

I'm diving in, I'm going deep in over my head I want to be

Caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head I want to go

The river's deep, the river's wide, the river is alive

So sink or swim, I'm diving in...

But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God

Until we let ourselves get swept away in this holy flood

So if you'll take my hand

We'll close our eyes and count to three

And take the leap of faith, come on, let's go!

So, yes, Todd and I are taking a leap of faith and are working to bring home a daughter from China--specifically a teen-aged daughter from China.  We are completely overwhelmed, completely excited, and completely scared--all at the same time.  We've been edging to the end of the high diving board for awhile, but we have finally dived in!